Dearest Alphonse
by Alima8314
Summary: Elricest. Al worries himself sick after finding a letter that was never meant to be read. Please R&R! Warnings: Language and underage drinking. Underage Drinking is BAD! A lemon soon? Perhaps. If people want it enough. Tell Me! Slight AU. Parental!Roy.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer (applies to all chapters):** I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor am I affiliated in any way with the copyright owners of Fullmetal Alchemist. Fullmetal Alchemist's story and characters are copyrighted to Hiromu Arakawa and the various companies who produced the manga, anime and merchandise.

oOoOoOo

**A/N:** A big shout-out to JIO a.k.a. kuraieiritrJIO! She helped me out so much with this fic. She's my favorite (and only) beta-slash-coauthor! She helps me fill in backgrounds and actions a lot between her own fic writing. Read her stories!

**NOTE from kuraieiritrJIO:** I've only played with this fic as a Sounding board. I didn't have time to actively do anything but toss suggestions until almost October 1, 2007 toward this fic. Too many of my own projects in the fire. Since I have breathing room again for a morning, I'll do the edit so Alima can repost if she likes the changes. Thanks Alima for sitting through Gundam Wing, frame by frame, second by second, as I paraphrased the dialog for _Wounded Heart_.

oOoOoOo

Chapter 1

_April 23, 1917_

Dearest Alphonse,

My brother. My life.

If you are reading this letter, it means you have been snooping through my things. And you should be ashamed.

Honestly, if you ARE reading this letter, it means you're about to find out just how disgusting your big brother really is. This letter is concerned with how I feel about you. I wouldn't blame you for hating me after you've finished reading this. But, ever since you got your body back... That beautiful body...

Alphonse, I love you. I mean that. And that is why I left. I will be back. I don't know when. I can't leave you alone for very long. But, if I had stayed with you, I might have done something we would both regret. Maybe a few days away will help to cool me off, and maybe then I'll be able to look at you without thinking... _THOSE_... thoughts... Thoughts where I see you panting under me, gasping my name...

My dearest little brother. My reason for living. Sometimes, I love you too much. Not a brotherly love, but more. The wrong kind of love. **Love may not be a sin, but lust is.** I lust after you. I am so sorry.

Of course, I'm only writing this letter because I am sure you will never read it. But if you are... well, now you know why I have been acting so strange lately. I don't think I'll tell you where I'm going. If you found me, I might end up hurting you in the most severe way. I never want that to happen. Even though I'm eighteen, and an adult now, you're still a minor. I couldn't do that until you turned eighteen next year... not that I could do anything anyway. I know you would hate me for it.

It's so bad. I find myself wanting to take you. I think only of breaking you. All this time, I only wanted to get your body back for your sake. And now, I find myself wanting that body for my own. I want to own you. Hate you. Love you. Break you. Fix you. I want you. Your brother is nothing but a selfish bastard. I can never ask you to forgive me for something like this. Something so despicable.

I will be back in a few days. Like I said, I just needed to get away to get over some things. **I AM NOT ABANDONING YOU!**

I love you,  
Edward Elric


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Alphonse read the letter again. '_At least it explains why my brother left in the middle of the night four days ago.'_

The apartment they shared was small, but still large enough for the siblings to live together comfortably. His eyes wandered until they rested on the place he had discovered the letter. It hadn't been hidden very well, and Al had found it when he was stripping Ed's bed. Really, how immature could his brother be, hiding the note under his mattress?

The paper had fluttered to the floor as he ripped the bottom sheet from the bed. It's true Edward hadn't been around lately to sleep there, but the sandy-haired boy had been lonely, so he had slept in his brother's bed and thought it would be nice to make it up with fresh bedding, in case his errant brother came back soon.

Alphonse had instantly recognized the sloppy handwriting as he knelt to pick up the page. He was about to place it back in his brother's journal, when he saw that it was addressed to him, so he read it, assuming it was something Edward had forgotten to give to him. He blushed when he read the first sentence. _'Well, it's not like I was snooping...'_ he told himself. _'It's like... it wanted to be found..._'

"Brother..." he whispered, shaking his head sadly, his long ponytail swishing across his back. "Didn't you ever think that maybe I love you, too?" he looked around his brother's room, which was sparsely decorated, having only various books and papers filed neatly on the few shelves. This room would seem boring to anyone who didn't know Edward and his ways very well.

Al brooded, comparing their two bedrooms. _'My room is filled with various knickknacks from everywhere we've gone together. Everything's arranged attractively on my shelves and bookcases. Displayed predominately among my possessions is the helmet that acted as my head for so long. Edward always looks sad whenever he sees it. To me, keeping it is a way to remind myself of how lucky I am to still be around. Protecting that blood seal for six years was such hard work, and there were too many close calls during that time. It is a physical reminder of my brother's love. There's no way anyone who didn't love me as much as Edward obviously did would have risked their lives to bind my soul to the armor. I'll always be eternally grateful to Brother for keeping me around.'_

He carefully folded the letter and put it in his pants pocket before heading to his own room to reach under the bed for his boots. If he knew Edward half as well as he thought he did, there was only place he would be.

Alphonse wasted no time in putting on his footwear. He was on his way to Colonel Mustang's place.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was eight o'clock in the morning, and two men sat at a small round table, eating breakfast. The older man was tall and handsome, with short black hair and dark flashing eyes. The younger man was cute, with a long blond braid and feral golden eyes. They sat together in a companionable silence that was broken only the clattering of utensils on plates.

"So, Fullmetal, is there anything you want to talk about?" Roy frowned at his guest as he finished a bite of his meal.

Edward looked up from his meal of waffles, sausages, and eggs. "Huh?" he grunted through a mouthful of food.

Roy Mustang smiled at the young man. "You can talk to me, you know? I can keep a secret. Especially about a crush..."

"What? I... I don't know what you're talking about," the blond sputtered, nearly choking on his eggs.

"Breathe, Fullmetal," the colonel chided gently. "There's obviously a reason you're here instead of your own quarters. With Alphonse." Of course, he was inwardly glad that the youngster was paying his own way while staying with him. And, he would never admit this, even under pain of death, he was happy that the young man trusted him enough to turn to him in this time of need.

"We had a fight. That's all," came Edward's halfhearted denial.

"Indeed. That's why, when you talk in your sleep, and you do, Fullmetal," he raised a finger to silence the youth's half-formed protest. "When you talk in your sleep, I hear you call out your brother's name... like that..."

"Like... what?" Edward stared at his plate. He knew he talked in his sleep, but had he been that loud? He could feel the heat rising to his face.

"You cry... You say your brother's name like you're his lover. _Or wish to be._"

"Don't be silly, Colonel..." Edward forced a laugh he didn't feel. "We just had a fight, that's all."

"Every time you two have a fight, you've been able to make up within a day. It's been four. I'm surprised you've been able to stay away from him for so long. You two can't live without each other. I've seen it far too many times to not know what I'm talking about."

"I didn't come here for a lecture," the teen started, his breakfast forgotten.

"No. But you did come here for help. And I'm trying to help you."

"**DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON! I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!**" Edward shouted, knocking his chair over as he stood, slamming his fists on the table.

"**EDWARD ELRIC!** You **WILL NOT** raise your voice to me in my own home!" Mustang bellowed. No matter how much the young alchemist tried to ignore it, Edward was attracted to his younger brother. Everyone could see it. "I've let you sit on your ass for four days, and I'm tired of watching you mope! If you do not explain to me why you are here, I will turn you out."

"You can't do that! I have nowhere else to go!"

"You can go back to Alphonse! I'm sure he's worried about you! You obviously haven't told him where you are. Otherwise, he'd have been here for you three days ago!"

"SHUT UP! _SHUT UP! __**SHUT UP!**_" Edward clenched his fists, ready to strike his commanding officer with his unforgiving metal fist. How dare that bastard even assume he could understand how he felt? "I only came here to give Al some space! I came here so I wouldn't hurt him! I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I WOULD HAVE TO KILL MYSELF IF I EVER DID SOMETHING TO BETRAY HIM LIKE THAT! IT'S NOT NATURAL TO LOVE YOUR BROTHER THE WAY I LOVE AL!" the blond sank to the floor, holding his face in his hands. "It's not natural... It's wrong... Al deserves a better brother than me..."

"Edward..." the dark-haired man wrapped his fingers around the boy's flesh wrist, only to be shrugged off. He could hear Edward sobbing softly.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Twenty minutes after finding the letter, Alphonse found himself at the colonel's apartment and knocked on the door a couple times. While he waited for a response, he paced in front of the door, rehearsing in his head what he wanted to say to his brother. '_Brother, I found your letter — Now, don't get mad, it's not my fault you left it in such an obvious place — and, well, I think we need to talk._' Yes, that would work. He hoped.

Sighing, he knocked once more. _'Is the colonel out? It is possible, even though it is a little past eight in the morning. After all, Colonel Mustang is a busy man.'_ Alphonse decided he would only wait one more minute before going to the nearest phone booth and calling to see if the colonel was home. Something, he kicked himself mentally, that he should have done in the first place. But, he hadn't wanted to give Edward advance warning of his coming, and therefore a chance to hide.

'_Edward can be such an irrational teenager. But, what teenager isn't? Certainly, I have my own moments. However, Brother can be a walking conundrum. There are so many major things that he isn't afraid of. Things most sane people would fear with every fiber of their beings. But sometimes I feel that brother isn't completely sane anymore._ _Who could be completely sane after being spared by the gate as often as Edward Elric?'_

Al shuffled his feet as he turned and walked down the hall, hands in his pockets, fingering the letter. He thought he had heard his brother's voice within the apartment and was tempted to kick down the door and tell his brother to get his head out of his ass and stop being so self-centered.

He grunted as he opened the complex's door to the cool spring weather. _'I was so sure that I'd find Brother at the colonel's apartment. There's no one in Central Edward trusts more, outside of me. Even if the two don't get along well at times. Honestly, the colonel gets along with Edward just fine. I know that it's Edward who has the problem with the older man.'_

As he walked down the street toward the phone booth, he realized his brother wasn't as self-centered as he liked to portray himself. He knew it was just his own frustration coming to the surface.

He kicked open the door to the phone booth before realizing what he had done. "Oops." Alphonse took a couple calming breaths between picking up the receiver and abruptly hanging up a few times. Once he calmed down, he managed to place the receiver to his ear. He listened to the dial tone for a few seconds before dropping a few coins into the slot and dialing the colonel's number.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The insistent ringing of the phone finally dragged Mustang away from the young blond alchemist, who had been quietly sobbing for the past fifteen minutes. They had heard someone knocking earlier, but Roy had decided to ignore it in favor of comforting his young friend. Yes, Roy had admitted that he could definitely count Edward among his closest friends. _'Even if I tend to fly off the handle at the most inopportune times, as he phrased it,' _Edward thought, sulking.

"Hello?" Roy answered the phone on the tenth ring. "Oh, Alphonse. How are you this morning?" he craned his neck to spy on the other teen as he spoke. He saw Edward's shoulders stiffen at the sound of his brother's name.

'I'm not here,' Ed mouthed, shaking his head for emphasis. Panic and anger warred for dominance of his tear streaked face.

"Oh, I haven't seen your brother in a couple days, myself. Sorry, Alphonse," the colonel felt bad about lying to the young man, but Edward obviously wasn't ready to face his brother yet.

"I'm sorry Alphonse," Mustang responded, obviously thinking quickly. "I was in the shower and only got out because I heard the phone ring. You didn't wait long, I hope?" Mustang frowned, hearing the lie in Alphonse's reply. "Edward's vanishing act must have upset you greatly, because I've never known you to get this angry."

He nodded, still listening to the boy on the other end. "I will. How long has he been gone?" he asked, knowing full well what the answer was, since the 'missing' teen was currently sitting in the middle of hid dining room floor.

"Okay. I'll let him know he needs to call you, if I see him." Roy paused, listening to the comment on the phone. "Don't worry, Alphonse, this is your brother we're talking about. I'm sure he's not in too much trouble, wherever he is. He's not a child, and can take care of himself." Mustang sat the receiver down with a thoughtful gaze, signaling that the conversation had ended.

"Well, Fullmetal," he stalked to the troubled youth. "It looks like I just bought you a little more time, and you've been crying long enough. Do you want to talk about it before he comes back?"

Edward looked up, glaring at his commanding officer, "How could you lie like that to Al?" he demanded.

"You started the lies by saying you weren't here when I answered the phone, saying your brother's name. Besides, unlike some people, I'm still willing to speak with him. Now, I think I deserve an explanation."

"Fine. You want me to talk. I'll talk. I just need to get something first," the blond stood shakily and slunk into the spare bedroom.

Ed knew that Mustang could hear him rummaging through the few things he had brought with him the night he'd knocked on the door, requesting a place to sleep. He played over the events of the morning in his mind. It didn't feel like only twenty minutes had passed since the colonel broached the subject that had brought him down enough to seek solace in his commander's home.

"Oh no! It's gone! It's not here!" Edward's anguished cry reverberated into the other room.

"Edward! What's wrong?" Mustang charged in, looking for the source of the outcry.

"I had written something... A letter to Al... I thought I had it with me. I hope he hasn't found it. Maybe he did and that's why he called, to tell me how horrible I am." Ed was kneeling on the floor despair clouding his features.

"Well, incest is considered pretty revolting," Roy grimaced. "But, because it's you two, I guess I can be okay with it. In fact, it almost seems natural for you to be... together... like that."

Mustang had mentioned having grown up in a fairly religious family, who severed contact with him when he became an alchemist. They felt he had turned his back on god, and by proxy, them, when he made that choice. Ed figured he was thinking back to the lessons regarding sin that had been pounded into him since he was a child. Although he had never been very religious, the lessons must have stayed with him. Incest was a sin that was almost as taboo as human transmutation, Edward knew. But Ed knew that Roy loved him and Al like they were his own younger brothers, so he would do his best to accept whatever choice they made.

"But, it's disgusting! I mean, I've known Winry for as long as I've known Al, and yet, I'm not attracted to her! And Al can't possibly feel the way I do!" the flaxen-haired youth pounded his fists on the floor.

"Do you know that to be true?" Roy asked with a sarcastically raised eye brow.

"He's... perfect... He's this wonderful human being. And I'm just so corrupt. I can't... taint... him with my... with these feelings I have... Everything I touch turns to shit. It's my very own special alchemy," Edward bitterly complained.

"Tainted...? Love is... love. And love is never wrong. Edward," Mustang knelt down and lifted the youth's chin, looking him in the eyes. "There are many different types of love. But, the way you're acting now, it's like you're afraid of moving forward so there's no falling back. You cling to each other because you know you'll never get hurt that way. You both know that neither one will reject the other..."

"Winry wouldn't reject us either," Edward argued weakly.

"Are you just trying to convince yourself that you might feel otherwise? I know that the three of you love each other in your own ways," he chuckled throatily. "I swear, the two of you are so attached at the hip, that if there was ever a girl who was capable of getting her claws into you, or your brother, she would end up with two boyfriends rather than one. You belong together. That's why I set you up on a date. Remember the play?"

"I didn't like the play. And, I don't want to think of Al having a girlfriend."

"Because she might end up taking him away from you, right?" Roy guessed gently, looking intently at the hunched form before him.

"Well... yeah... I think so... he might leave me. He will probably leave me after all, once he finds out how I feel. I treasure Al as my brother and I never want to lose him as a friend. Hell, I just don't want to lose him. I need him," Edward punched the floor with his flesh hand again, venting.

"I don't think you'll lose him if you're honest with him. Alphonse is the type of person to... how does it go? Marry an ugly truth a hundred times before marrying a beautiful lie once," Mustang sat cross-legged in front of Edward. This was going to take a while.

"I'm so harsh... and abrasive. But I keep people away from me to assure they don't hurt me and I don't hurt them. I'm just not made to be around people. If Al got hurt because of this... I couldn't live with myself," Edward's lower lip quivered.

"It's okay to cry again. If you want to..." Roy patted him on the shoulder.

"Bastard. My crying would give you some sort of sick satisfaction, wouldn't it?" Edward spat, fidgeting with other papers as he turned away in shame. "Actually, I did write something else, I barely remember writing it, but I did. It's so... sickening. I don't want anyone to read it."

"Well, I want to help you. Please, let me help you," the colonel sighed in exasperation, trying not to lose his temper at Edward's childish refusal. Luckily this was his day off and Ed knew that he could spend as much time as needed to help his troubled charge. Mustang knew about the mistakes and abuse in his past. Roy understood that he had difficulty expressing and controlling his emotions and would sometimes experience severe mood swings. During times of extreme emotional stress, he could become somewhat irrational, veering violently between guilt, self-doubt and gritty pride. The colonel also knew that he also resisted confiding in others, even his own brother, and almost always attempted to solve problems alone. Edward had been told several times by his mentor, and nemesis that he suffered from low self-esteem, but he never let that stop him from doing his best to achieve his goals. "Let me read it. Perhaps having another opinion will help."

"..."

Ignoring the icy gaze, Mustang pressed on. "Please, Edward? I just want to help you. You're no good to me as a subordinate if your mind is elsewhere, making you unable to focus on the work I give you."

The teen dropped the papers he had been holding and reached under his temporary bed with shaky hands, pulling out an envelope. He threw it at Roy, who caught the packet as it bounced off his chest. "Fine. Read it," he sneered.

Roy shifted into a more comfortable position as he removed the pages from the envelope. "There's nine pages here. Wow. When did you write all this?" He bent his head to begin reading the letter, Edward snuck away, utterly embarrassed that his heart, which he had poured out on paper, was being exposed.

'_I think I might be in love with...  
__Right now it's about midnight, and I'm sitting in the colonel's dining room, writing this.'_

"_Ah. So that's when."_ The colonel leaned against the wall and began reading in earnest.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Okay. Thank you," Alphonse gently replaced the receiver. _'So, the colonel supposedly doesn't know where Edward is, either, huh? Well, as protective as he normally is toward us, Colonel Mustang doesn't seem too disturbed by Edward's sudden disappearance. Something is definitely going on.'_ Al narrowed his eyes speculatively.

Alphonse kicked a stone as he walked back toward the apartment he shared, or had shared until four days ago, with Edward. He watched as the rock skittered ahead. He kicked it again when he caught up to it, once more following the dancing path it took. He knelt down and contemplated the stone, once he closed the distance again. It was just like any other random rock, grey, dull, with an irregular surface. In fact, it was rather ugly, unlike the beautiful red stone his brother had finally been able to create without a mass sacrifice. _'After being restored, I decided that red was my least favorite color. However, as much as I dislike the color, I still love Brother's trench coat. It's the ultimate symbol of security for me. Anywhere that red jacket is, Edward can't be too far away.'_

Al's mind wandered as he stared at the gray stone. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, alone and frightened. When this happened, he would pad his way to his brother's room. Edward was usually grumpy about being awoken so suddenly, but Al was quickly forgiven. But there were nights when Ed was away on a mission, so Al would curl up in the older teen's bed. If Edward went somewhere it was too warm for the red coat, he would leave it behind. So other nights, Alphonse could sleep holding the jacket curled against his chest. It was thick and soft, warm and comfortable. There were also nights he would _**never**_ admit to, nights spent in the sanctuary of his room, and _only_ when Ed was away. He smiled at the memory of those sacred nights when he would strip and don just the coat, then lay in his bed, wrapped in the comfort of his brother's scent that lingered permanently on the fabric.

On those blessed nights, he would take hold of the coattails and rub his groin vigorously, thrusting and bucking into his cloth-covered fist, until he reached his peak and fell into a blissful sleep. Of course, he would never tell his older sibling about the times he used the jacket as a substitute for what he truly wanted, and he always made sure to carefully clean the jacket when he woke in the morning. Nor would he have told his brother about these feelings. But that was before finding the letter. Still, he decided to keep his secrets with the jacket to himself.

"Hey kid! You okay?" a rough shake jerked Alphonse out of his fantasy. Al looked up at the man, who still had his hand on his shoulder. "You're not sick or anything, are you?"

"Huh? What? No, I'm fine... I was just... thinking..."

"Well, try thinking somewhere a little less dangerous," the man playfully ruffled his hair and walked away.

Al looked around at his surroundings. He had stopped to stare at the rock in the middle of a very busy sidewalk, which hadn't been busy when he started his ruminations. He was surprised he hadn't been trampled yet. He noticed the strange looks people were giving him, probably mystified at the sight of a boy looking so intently at a rock. Peering around, he spied a restaurant, and deciding that he was hungry, walked over to the open doors where an inviting aroma wafted out into the street. The restaurant was a quaint two story building. The outer paint was a pale, cheerful blue, and there was a trellis stretching up the height of the building. Intertwined throughout the slats were thorny vines covered with cute pink flowers. _'Primrose,'_ Al thought vacantly. The patio was crowded this morning, as many people chose to enjoy the mild weather. The teen thought it was still too cool outdoors for his own pleasure. The second had a balcony that was open to the fresh morning atmosphere. This establishment was unusual, as it catered to nonsmokers, who had the whole of the bottom floor to themselves. Smokers had the top floor and the balcony.

Alphonse could smell the sausage, toast, jam, and eggs among all those other wonderful things he had missed out on for so long, and now couldn't get enough of... The memory came unbidden to haunt Al's consciousness.

"_Al," Edward started, laughing, "if you keep eating like that, you're gonna get so fat!" Edward always said the same line with a huge grin splitting his face.  
_"_No, I won't, Brother. I'll be too busy running around and taking care of you for any of the weight to stick," was always the younger's retort, his eyes glowing mischievously.  
_"_Oh," the older pouted playfully. "Don't be such a brat..."  
_"_...I was only teasing," they always ended in unison._

'_Unfortunately, Edward hasn't given me my weekly allowance yet, so I have to make do with what I have on me.'_ That meant a meager breakfast unless he felt like walking the rest of the way to the apartment. But he wasn't in the mood for cooking at the moment, and the restaurant was right here. Al gave in to his laziness and entered the building. The interior of the restaurant was as cozy as it appeared to be from the outside. There were a few patrons scattered around at various tables, and he could hear the quiet murmuring din of people enjoying themselves. Glancing around, he noticed the large picture window overlooking the patio and the street beyond. The border of the glass was painted with the same pink flowers that adorned the trellis.

As he was taking in his surroundings, a plump waitress made her way over to him. "Hello honey. How can I help you this morning?"

"Well... Ummm... How about breakfast?"

"Of course, sweetie," the waitress, Cindy, her name tag said, laughed lightly. "Would you like to sit inside, or out on the patio?"

"Oh. Inside, please. It's still a bit chilly out and I forgot to bring a jacket," he knew he was babbling, but he couldn't help it. This woman's forced cheerfulness made him nervous.

"Sure thing. Follow me, please," Cindy led him to a table in the corner, near the window. "I'll be right back with a menu. Is there anything you would like to drink in the meantime?"

"Coffee. Please," Alphonse sat down and waited for her to return with his beverage. When she did return, she gave a quick "I'll be with you again in a minute" as she dropped off the coffee, and menu, before hurrying to another table.

Al sighed as he picked up the menu. He only had about 120 cenz with him, so he had to be cheap enough that he would have enough to leave Cindy a tip. When the woman came back for the menu, he chose to have two slices of toast, two slices of bacon, and one egg (over easy). While he waited for his order, he fixed his coffee, sipping it, as he thought back on the events of the morning. _'It's hard to believe so much had already happened since I woke up this morning.'_ Sadly, since Edward had taken that trusted trench coat with him, most likely to protect against the cold spring weather, these past few days had been more lonely than usual. Of course, that was one of the reasons he had started changing his brother's bedding that morning.

'_But this time it isn't really my fault. I really hate the ailment known as __**puberty**__ that is afflicting me. It's uncomfortable being restored to a body that is in the midst of this teenager's plague. But at least I can be glad that I'm a boy, because even though it might take a few years, at least I'll get through the ordeal all at once. Unlike girls, who have to go through it once a month for most of their lives.'_ No indeed, Alphonse Elric decided that he did not envy women their menses.

His musings were interrupted when Cindy set the plate of food down, refilling his coffee. He thanked her with a nod, but she had already sauntered away to help another customer. During his meal, he considered his options about what to do next. He could go back home and wait for Edward to return on his own, or he could go back to the colonel's place and demand entrance.

After he had finished eating, he motioned for Cindy. "I'm ready to pay now. May I have my bill please?"

"Sure, honey. Here you go," she set a slip of paper, face down, on the table before Al and walked away.

Al peeked at the receipt and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Good, it was only 80 cenz. He did the math in his head and left her a 12 cenz tip. He stood and walked over to the register. After he paid for his breakfast, he exited the restaurant, realizing he hadn't made any decisions about what to do. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he wandered down the street. _'I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm going to let Edward have a couple more days to figure himself out, before I try to hunt him down again.'_ Alphonse hoped he wouldn't cave, letting his resolve crumble. He didn't want to find himself begging at the colonel's door for Edward to come out and _just talk to him._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**A/N:** Sorry this chapter took so long to post. I had major writer's block. I realized something while I was writing this chapter, which almost all just a big block of 'free-writing.' I don't like writing the Ed/Roy parts. I just wanna write the Al bits! I luvz Alphonse! He's so adorable! They need to make an Alphonse plushie so I can hug it! (I just found out that they do make an Al plushie! I need to get one... I have to have one!) (I haven't found one yet!) Also, the opinions stated in this story are not necessarily my own. I think this was the hardest chapter for me to write, so far. And my chapters are getting longer, too. And I do have the next chapter mostly written, I'm just polishing it up as best I can. So, I've been working on some random ficlet things instead. My personal favorite so far is "Lessons Learned." Anyway! On with the latest chapter!

oOoOoOo

When Mustang finished the letter, he dropped the pages and buried his face in his shaky hands. He never knew that Edward was under this much stress. As overly emotional as he could be, the boy was able to hide his feelings regarding this situation well. After studying the letter again, he realized Edward had been giving signs of his confusion that should have been obvious, but somehow, the people he needed help from the most, specifically himself, had blatantly missed them. _'No wonder he's tearing himself apart. Reading the things that Edward had written makes me want to cry in his place. The pages just radiate emotion.'_

"...E...d..." He croaked through a tight throat. "Edward, come here." When he didn't receive a response, he cleared his throat and called again, "Edward! Come here, I need to talk to you about this." This time he was answered by the sound of reluctant footsteps making their way toward him. Roy looked up at the face of his young friend. The boy's eyes were puffy and shining with unshed tears. His mouth was set in an angry line. "Come in, sit down. I'll talk if you don't want to. Your letter is very... honest... and very heart breaking. How long has your brother had his body back? Almost a year, now, right?"

Edward nodded in the affirmative.

"Hmmm... you state numerous times that you don't want to hurt Al, but don't you think abandoning him the way you did might be a little more emotionally damaging to him?" Roy managed to force out of his constricted throat.

"Huh? I left because... if I didn't... I think forcing my will on him would have shattered him." Ed looked at the floor in obvious misery.

"I know... but what I mean to say is..." Mustang sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. How could he explain this to the confused teen, when he was having problems accepting this situation himself? Overcoming a childhood of conditioning was difficult, but something Edward had written pricked at the back of his mind. Edward had a point when he said that no children could be created by this... union. But, did that make it okay? Which was the worst form of incest: between a brother and sister, or between two brothers? If there wasn't the incest factor to consider, there was the homosexual aspect. Even though homosexuality was generally well-accepted in Amestris, there were still certain groups of people who went out of their way to harass gays. "Like I said, there are different kinds of love. You just need to figure out what this love is."

"It's not love! It's lust! I want to... I want... I want to make him mine. I want him to belong only to me! So I left! I can't hurt him like that!" Edward was bent over double, screaming, his fists at his sides.

"Don't you think you're being selfish? You're not the only one affected by this. How do you think Alphonse feels about you walking out on him in the middle of the night? He probably doesn't have any idea why you left him alone, does he? I, for one, would be very upset with you, if I were your brother."

"Upset? We're both hormone-challenged teenagers, neither of us would know what we were doing! We would only regret it later! We never had time for a social life, we were always around each other. I think I may be attracted to him because he's all I know. Which one is worse? Breaking his heart, his mind, or his body? I want to leave him with his innocence," the youth was quieter now, but still very angry. "He deserves that after all the mistakes I've made with him, at least."

"Alphonse may be innocent, but he's not stupid," Roy spat back at the boy.

"I never said he was stupid. Don't put words in my mouth, you bastard," Edward snarled quietly.

Roy stood up and started pacing in front of the teen. "Edward, listen to me. I'm sure he's aware of your feelings. He's spent practically every moment of his life in your presence and probably knows you better than you know yourself. If you love him like you say you do, just tell him and see where it goes from there!" he looked hard at Edward to emphasize his point. The young man glowered and turned away. "I may not care for incest, but as long as you boys are happy, it makes my life easier," He smiled softly. "Besides, who you choose to have a relationship with and what you do behind closed doors is no one's business but your own. I'm not going to share your secrets or judge you."

Edward, unable to take anymore of the colonel's lecturing, stood up and exited the room. "I thought I told you to not talk to me like you know what's going on," he growled as he left.

Mustang picked up the letter as followed the teen into the other room. "Edward. Just think about it. Alphonse knows you very well, so, he's probably aware of your attraction to him. Why else has he stuck with you for so long if he thought it as so horrible? I've noticed the way you've been looking at him lately, you were very obvious sometimes," the raven-haired man began chuckling quietly and lowered his voice, which had risen without his realizing it.

"If I'm so obvious, why hasn't anyone else commented on it? Why hasn't Al noticed?" Ed rounded on him, face pale at the possibility of being too blatant.

The older man stared agog at the blond youth. "Are you... are you blind?"

The teenaged alchemist glared at his superior. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone can see it in your eyes. Personally, I always thought it was because you were afraid you would somehow wake from a dream and Alphonse wouldn't be flesh and blood anymore, but back in the armor. I never realized before reading your letter how deep your feelings really were. But, if it makes you happy screwing your brother silly, so be it. I won't stop you." Roy tried to calm the blonde's fear while making him realize that he wasn't being condemned.

"There's no need to be so damn blunt about it," the look the boy gave him could have melted stone.

Mustang continued, ignoring the hot golden gaze that was boring into his forehead, "I have the feeling that he'll accept you, no matter what. He loves you. If it were anyone else, I would not be so accepting of the situation. But you boys are different. You've been through so much together, nobody else would be able to understand you two the way you understand each other."

"That's only possible if he truly feels the same way," Edward mumbled.

"Want me to talk to him for you? Don't worry, I won't tell him anything you don't want me to." Roy figured that if he could get the two of them together after getting some idea of Al's feelings in this matter, everything would return to normal.

"Would you... do that for me?" the blond picked his head up and looked at his commanding officer, a pathetic sort of hope shining in his eyes.

"I will get the ball rolling, that's all, but you will talk to your brother before this is over. However, I noticed something. I have a question for you, Edward."

"What?" Ed squirmed marginally.

"Do you remember writing this?" Mustang held the pages out to Edward.

The blond furrowed his brow as he shook his head. "Not really, no. I remember waking up the morning after I wrote it with the pages still in my hands. I read the title and the first few lines before putting it in my suitcase. I wanted to forget about it. Why?"

"Because I noticed some lines in here. Before handing me the letter, you recited some of these sentences, almost verbatim."

"Did I?" Edward blushed. He knew the words that escaped his mouth that morning seemed familiar somehow, but he hadn't been able to place them. Damn the colonel for being so observant.

"Yes, you did. I wonder why? Is everything boiling under the surface, straining to break free?"

The youth nodded in response. It was possible that he remembered more of the letter than he thought.

Mustang smirked. "Now, about the strip poker game. Why wasn't I invited?"

All the teen could do was stare, dumbfounded, at the older man. How could he even joke about something like that at such a serious time? "Colonel, I hate you so much at times."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Alphonse continued down the street, wandering aimlessly, his breakfast laying heavily in his stomach. _'Why did Edward run away instead of coming to me with this? We have discussed other, much more disturbing topics than this in the past. Why was this so different?'_ Al remembered when Edward had run away once before, after they had a fight over Winry. _'We said some very mean things to each other in the heat of the argument, and Edward stalked off. Winry was the one to put an end to that fight by stating she wouldn't choose between us two pigheaded boys.'_

His eyes widened as a thought crossed his mind. '_Maybe Ed has already vented his frustration on Mustang. I know the colonel lied to me about brother's whereabouts, but I have no proof. I know I heard the sound of Brother's voice coming from the apartment when I knocked on the door. Unless my overactive imagination is at work, considering this borderline obsession I have with Edward.'_ Al sighed in trepidation as he considered the tracks his thoughts were taking.

'_Is the colonel keeping Edward there against his will? No, nobody would be able to do that for long, or very easily.'_ Al discarded that worry easily.

'_Does the colonel want Edward for himself? Probably not. Everyone knows what kind of lady's man Roy Mustang is.'_ Another mental debate closed as quickly as it surfaced to irritate the teenager's emotions.

Alphonse took a deep breath and let it out slowly, shaking his head to clear it. _'I'm jumping to conclusions again. Edward would never really leave me, or so I've always believed. These past few days have been so boring, long and lonely. Edward said in his letter that he had to go or else he would have done something there was no getting over. But the letter also said he was coming back in a few days. Hasn't it already been a few days? Why hasn't he come home yet?'_ Al's annoyance at his older brother made his stomach ache.

Alphonse stopped, lost in his thoughts. _'But, am I innocent here? I know I keep staring, drinking in the sight of my older brother. Memorizing every detail. Not that there is much more to memorize since I've been looking at Edward my whole life. If one were to look in my eyes, all they would see would be Edward Elric. My elder sibling is... well, beautiful.'_ Al shook his head again. _'Men aren't beautiful, they are handsome. But, Edward isn't classically handsome. His features are too fine. Too feminine. He's not ugly, either.'_ Alphonse felt that his brother's extremely pretty face matched the boy's body. He closed his eyes and imagined the toned chest, the slender waist, and his brother's almost womanly hips.

Al recalled the first time he'd opened his eyes after being restored to his body. The first thing he saw was Edward's face. It was the most breathtaking sight ever. He could look at Edward's face for hours on end and never tire of the view. In fact, Alphonse had already spent much of his life memorizing the way that marvelous face would shift and move, depending on the older teen's mood. His first act after being restored had been to reach out with a trembling hand and brush his brother's tears away.

"_Brother, don't cry. I'm okay."  
_"_Don't be silly, Al. You don't cry when you're happy."_

Alphonse resumed his stroll, not really paying attention to where he was going. His feet eventually halted in front of the gate to a park, where he could hear screaming laughter coming from the playing children. A smile tugged at his lips at the temptation to enter the quaint park. _'Why not?'_ he reasoned. He didn't really feel like going home to an empty apartment anyway. He shuffled over to an empty swing and sat down, digging the toe of his boot into the sand and pushing gently, swaying to and fro, his foot never leaving the ground.

'_Edward is only human, and I know I shouldn't put my brother on a pedestal, but I can't help but almost worship Ed. Not just anyone can do the things Brother has done, like pulling my body back from the gate.'_ Al didn't know the exact details of his own restoration, even though he was there, and Edward never told him how he had gotten the stone in the first place. Unfortunately, the stone only paid Edward's toll. Al had to pay his own way out. And so he did, at a much higher price than his brother had anticipated. Alphonse Elric could no longer perform alchemy.

His alchemy had already been sapped by his prolonged exposure to the gate, as payment to sustain his body. He gave up the rest of it so he could be with his brother again. _'In the end, Edward was unable to get his missing limbs back. This is something that saddens me every time I look at him. It kind of feels like Edward has broken a promise to me, even though I know the reasons why it didn't happen. I have to concede that it also feels like I've broken a promise I made to myself as well as to Edward. Now that I've lost the ability to transmute, the promise will remain broken.'_ Al continued to swing slightly in a hypnotic daze unaware of his surroundings as he pondered more possibilities, his stomach becoming increasingly unsettled.

oOoOoOo

**A/N:** Sorry this is so rough. It was the best both my sounding board kurahieiritrJIO and I could do with it. I'm thinking about rewriting some of the chapters, filling them out and such. The way I write is so terribly flat. :(

**NOTE from kuraieiritrJIO:** It's called background scenery and character actions. LOL... That's a learned trick that took me twenty years of day to day writing to get the hang, and HABIT of! So RAZZBERRIES Alima... You've only been fic writing for a couple years... CUT yourself some SLACK! Practice descriptions! Practice actions! PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT Brattikins!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay! Work has been picking up, so I haven't had much time to write. It's horrible, I know. I'm so sorry!

oOoOoOo

"Edward, I'll be back later. I'm going to talk to your brother," Mustang stated as he stood. It had taken him a while to calm the young man down after the strip poker comment. Mustang decided he was glad looks really couldn't kill a person, as he almost withered under the glare the teen had given him at the time. "Try not to get into too much trouble while I'm gone."

"I'm not a child..." Edward mumbled belligerently from where he sat on the bed, his arms wrapped around his legs and his chin resting on his knees.

Mustang chuckled as he donned his footwear. "Indeed, you are not a child. Your letter proved that." He grabbed his jacket and shoved his arms into the sleeves as he walked over to the door.

"You won't... tell him anything, will you?" Edward asked timidly.

"Do you want me to?" the older man paused, his hand hovering over the doorknob.

"No... Yes... No... No, don't," the blond's brow knit in indecision. "He's probably already found and read the first letter." He sighed. "I hope he didn't." He slid his chin off his knees and rested his forehead in its place. "I guess it depends on whether he has or not."

"Well, if he did, it might make things a bit easier to explain. But I won't tell him anything he doesn't absolutely need to know," the dark-haired man resumed his exit. He knew Edward would behave himself while he was alone in the apartment. The youth actually had respect for other people's homes, even if he didn't have much respect for much else. Mustang shrugged to settle his coat more comfortably onto his shoulders as he stepped onto the narrow walkway that led to town. He didn't know exactly where Alphonse was, but he assumed he would be home, waiting in vain for his brother's return.

Even though the calendar said it had been spring for a month, winter was still trying to reclaim its hold on the land with a brisk icy breeze. Roy pushed his hands into his pockets as he continued down the busy sidewalk, lost in thought as he passed the pocket park near his house. The sound of someone vomiting snapped him from his planning. He was deciding on the best course of action regarding his future conversation with the younger Elric sibling. He lifted his head in idle curiosity, looking for the source of the noise. He spied the back of a teen hunched over a waste bin in the corner of the park. _'Poor kid. I wonder what's wrong with him.'_ He started to turn away, but quickly turned back when the youth lifted his head as if he were coming up for air. Standing behind the boy as he was, he rushed to his aid only after the boy stood. He recognized that long bronze ponytail anywhere.

"Alphonse? Is that you?" the dark-haired man winced as the young man suddenly doubled over the bin again and began retching. "Alphonse?" He reached over to start rubbing Al's back. The youth jumped, startled.

"K..." Al cleared his throat. "Colonel? What are you doing here?"

Mustang hastily slipped out of his jacket and threw it over the boy's shoulders when he noticed the boy shivering. "Looking for you. Hey, where's your coat?" his voice rang with parental concern.

"Forgot... It..." Al muttered sheepishly.

Mustang blew out his cheeks in frustration. "Come on, you're coming with me," the dark-haired man gently guided the youth by the shoulders away from the park. "Let's get you cleaned up and warm up at my place."

"Colonel?" Al wobbled slightly as he began to walk.

"Yes?" Roy steadied the sick teenager, a worried look in his eyes.

"...Is my brother there? At your place?" Al asked, an acidic edge to his voice.

The older man faltered, but decided to come clean with the lad. "Yes, Alphonse. I'm sorry I lied to you earlier. Edward just... needs some time to... come to terms with something that's been bothering him for... a while."

"Why didn't you tell me?" the teen asked, hurt.

"Your brother asked me not to. He thinks you... hate him... for some reason." He decided to play dumb. He had promised not to say anything unnecessary, after all.

"I don't hate him. I love him," Al lowered his eyes, a light blush dusting his cheeks. If anyone asked, he would just say he was sick. It wouldn't really be a lie. As if on cue, he began coughing.

Mustang draped his arm over the sandy-haired teen's shoulders and steered him home, not caring how upset Edward would be over his brother's sudden arrival in his house. But, Mustang decided, it was his house, and he could have anyone over he wanted. Knowing Ed, he would probably quickly forget his annoyance as soon as he saw how sick his younger brother was. "I certainly hope so..." he muttered.

"Colonel...?" Al's voice shook. "What do you mean?"

Mustang looked over at his companion. He didn't realize he had been overheard. "It's just... Well, your brother's been a bit of an ass lately. I'm hoping he'll get over himself once he sees how sick you've become since he abandoned you."

"He didn't abandon me!" Al protested hotly, before his voice caught in his throat and he began coughing again. "He said he didn't. I know he can be a jerk, but he's my brother. I still love him."

"Someone has to. Anyway, when did he say this? He's been at my place these past four days."

"Well, he didn't exactly tell me. But you know how my brother is. The words he writes betray him."

Mustang thought back on the emotional essay he had read this morning and had to admit he agreed with the young man's sentiments. He smiled, "Your brother has a poetic soul." _'I guess he does have that first letter after all.'_

Al giggled. "I don't think so. His idea of poetry is the bawdy limericks Second Lieutenants Breda and Havoc have taught him." He blushed a deeper shade of red. "He likes to... recite them for me... when he learns a new one..."

"I see." Mustang knew the limericks and wondered if Edward was dropping hints without realizing it.

"Colonel?" Al asked timidly.

"Yes?"

"Would you think it was weird if... ummm..." Alphonse began giggling and covered his mouth with his hand. "I'm sorry. It's not important. It's stupid... never mind..." he waved hand in front of his face as if he were clearing the words from the air.

"Obviously it's important. You're not the kind of person to waste words. And, if it's important to you, it's important to me, too. It's the same with Edward. But, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Mustang decided to let the subject drop. He peered closely at the teen's flushed face. "Al, you seem to have a regular cold, so why were you throwing up?"

"Ummm... I think it was breakfast and stress. I guess Edward leaving in the middle of the night affected me more than I thought. We have spent time apart before, but I think his abrupt departure hurt me more than I care to admit."

Roy took the time to really study the teen. Even thought Al was seventeen, his time spent at the gate had stunted his growth. This gave him the body of a fifteen year old upon his restoration. He remembered that time, slightly over a year ago, when Edward had rushed into his office, looking as if he were being chased by all the demons of Hell. He recalled the surprise he felt when the young prodigy had grabbed his hand and dragged him from the office. Mustang only had time to mumble a quick _'I'll be back...'_ to his shocked subordinates before being ushered into the corridor. Edward led him to the quarters he shared with his brother. The Flame Alchemist's jaw had practically fallen through the floor when he recognized what he had originally thought was an alchemically created dummy laying on the bed as Alphonse, who was sleeping.

"_I did it, Colonel," Edward had taken hold of his arm and was shaking it up and down like a toddler trying to get attention. Tears were running down the teen's face, and a huge grin was plastered across his features. However, there was also a hint of fear in the golden eyes. "I did it... Please... Don't tell anyone."  
_"_Edward? How?"  
__The golden-haired only shook his head. "Don't tell..."  
_"_I won't." Roy Mustang had promised then. He understood where Ed's concern had come from, and he knew Edward would take the secret of the restoration to his grave. The boy had committed the taboo known as Human Transmutation a second time._

A few months after the restoration, after Al had put on enough weight and was well enough to leave their quarters, they told people that Al had grown out of his armor-wearing fad. _'It just got to be too high maintenance,'_ They would always say.

He smiled at the memory as his feet led him back home. Edward may insult him on a daily basis, but he knew that both boys trusted him very much when it came down to it. He didn't think Edward would have shared either this secret, or his tears of joy, with him. Perhaps, he thought ruefully, they had only told him because they felt they had no one else to turn to at the time.

Al grabbed the lapels of the heavy coat and was hugging himself tightly, trying to keep warm, by the time they made it back to Mustang's house.

As he led Al inside, he saw that Edward had cleaned up from breakfast and was currently finishing the dishes. He walked Al to the spare bedroom and took back his jacket. "Get into bed and rest. I'll be right back with something to warm you up."

Mustang went back to the kitchen, where Ed was drying the last cup. He took the vessel from Edward and set it on the counter. "I'm going to need that." He then reached into the cabinet for another cup. "Thanks for doing the dishes, by the way."

"You're welcome. Anything to stay busy, Colonel. I knew I'd go crazy if I didn't do something until you got back. Why do you need the cup?"

"You'll see. Run along now. I have something I need to do."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Edward's ears perked up at the sound on someone coughing from the room he was currently borrowing from his superior. He knew it wasn't Mustang, because he could hear him moving things around in the kitchen. The blond eased the door open and stared at the sight before him, a flash of anger passing through him momentarily. _'How could the colonel do this to me?'_ He was expecting it, but it still made him upset. He wasn't ready to face this situation yet. He looked at Alphonse, who was laying on the bed, his head peeking out from under the covers. Another fit of hoarse coughing wracked his younger brother's frame.

"Al?" he rushed over to the bed. Leaning over, he placed his left hand on Al's brow, like he had seen his mother do so many times during their childhood. "Why are you coughing?"

"I'm sick, Brother," Al answered, smiling weakly. "Really, you can sound so dense sometimes."

"I... I can see that. I meant why did you let yourself get sick?" the older teen grunted as he sat on the edge of the bed, sinking into the soft, thick bedding. "Al..." he breathed, before closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Why are you here?"

"The colonel found me throwing up at the park near here."

Ed's eyes widened in horror. "What?!" _'Is this my fault?'_ He slid his hand down his brother's face until he cupping Al's cheek. He jumped, jerking his hand away, as Mustang shouldered open the door to the spare bedroom. In his hands, he carried two steaming mugs.

"Alphonse? Here, drink this," he spoke softly as he held out one of the cups to the younger teen.

"What are you giving my brother?" Edward demanded, his eyes narrowed.

"A toddy, Edward. You're getting one too."

"A what?"

"It's something to knock the cold out of Alphonse's chest, so he doesn't get pneumonia." Mustang said matter-of-factly, holding out the second cup to the angry youth.

Edward grabbed the cup from his superior's hand and gave the contents an experimental sniff. "It smells like hot chocolate, but with something else." His expression turned less suspicious. "It smells kind of good."

"Of course. I wouldn't really do anything to cause either of you lasting harm," the dark-haired man muttered as he handed the other mug to the younger boy, who sat up on the bed, his face flushed with fever.

Edward took a small sip and was rewarded with a tingly, almost burning feeling on his tongue. "What's in it?" he asked between sips. The liquid was warm, and he didn't want to scald his mouth and throat. He cleared his throat a few times, which evolved into him coughing and sputtering as the chocolate burned its way down. The burn wasn't just from the heat of the liquid.

"A toddy is a drink consisting of a spirit base, like brandy, rum and whisky, mixed with a hot drink. I used hot chocolate for you boys. There's also some spices in there. I added cinnamon, cloves, and a dash of cayenne. This will help your brother get better, and hopefully keep you from getting sick, too," the older alchemist explained as he watched the teens drain their cups.

"It has what in it?!" Edward sputtered, nearly dropping his now empty cup. He could feel the warmth spreading through his body already. He placed his hand on his stomach, which suddenly felt like it was on fire. "Colonel... It burns..."

"Oh. You'll be fine. Don't worry," Mustang smirked as he took the vessel from Edward's limp hand and started toward the door. He turned and smiled devilishly, catching Ed's attention with a simple nod. "I remembered something just now. Perhaps you should reread your... notes. You might remember something, too..." he laughed. "Please, don't condemn me for caring... For trying to... help." Roy shrugged as he opened the door. Pausing as he stepped over the threshold, he drew a folded square of paper from his shirt pocket and dropped it on the small table by the door. "I'll be back for the other cup later." He shot a glance at the younger teen, who was trying to finish his drink.

"It's good chocolate, Colonel..." Alphonse managed between gulps. Mustang merely nodded in response before resuming his exodus from the spare bedroom.

Edward watched as the older man silently closed the door behind him, mulling over his choice of words. _'My notes? That letter?'_ His eyes widened at the prospect of reading the nine pages of guilt he had wrung out of himself and darted to the square on the table. He staggered over and picked up the page, holding it as if he were afraid it would bite. He felt himself blush as he opened the note and read its contents. It was written in Mustang's neat script.

_Edward,  
__I don't like the sound of your brother's cough, so I've gone to find a doctor to look at Alphonse and make sure he's going to be okay. I'll be back later.  
__Roy  
__P.S. Use this time wisely._

Damn the man for being so devious. If Edward wasn't feeling so disoriented, he would have stalked out of the room and hunted his commanding officer down.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**A/N:** Woohoo! The boys get drunk. I just want to say I do not condone underage drinking. It's only used here as a plot device. Hot toddies were traditionally believed to have a curative effect on colds or flu following exposure to severe weather, although modern medicine now recommends avoiding alcoholic beverages as a remedy because is causes dehydration. However, alcohol is still used in many cold and flu remedies that are sold at drug stores to this day.

oOoOoOo

"Brother, I have a secret I want to tell you," Alphonse waved his hands almost lazily, the effects of the alcohol apparent in his movements. He lay on the bed, in Mustang's spare bedroom, too dizzy from the rum to sit up for long.

"Al, we're the only people here right now. No one else is going to hear you," Edward sighed from where he stood by the door. He crumpled the note and shoved it into his pocket. Mustang had left a few minutes ago. He had administered toddies to the boys because Al had gotten sick from his time outside this morning. He said he didn't want Edward possibly catching whatever it was that made Al sick, and so had made him drink one as well.

"Just come over here." Al's waving became more erratic.

"Fine. What is this big secret of yours?" The older blond wobbled his way to the bed and sat down on the edge.

"I love you, Brother," Al whispered loudly as he leaned forward, nearly falling into Edward's lap.

"Al? That's not a secret. I love you, too." Edward scoffed gently, trying not to let his hopes run away with him. He wanted Al to return his twisted affection, and hated himself for it. A smile formed on his face. He was being more emotive than usual, and decided he didn't really like being drunk.

"Not like that! I'm saying I really love you."

Golden eyes opened in shock and something akin to fear. "Al... Don't... I'm not worth it," he pushed Al upright in bed again. He jumped up, nearly tripping over his unstable feet in his drunken stupor. He braced his legs far apart and wobbled where he stood, forced to lean his knees against the bed, trying to regain his balance.

Al reached out clumsily. "Brother, don't leave me! I need you!"

"No, Al. You're strong. You don't need me as much as you think you do. You'll only end up getting hurt if I let this happen."

"If you let...? You mean...?" Al whispered in awe, his eyes widening in expectation.

"Al... I can't... I won't. I want it, but... I'm not deserving of your love, not after everything I've put you through these past few years." Ed turned his head away, ashamed of all the things Al had endured because of his arrogance and mistakes.

Al haphazardly threw himself forward and wrapped his arms loosely around Edward's shoulders, "I don't care about all that. I was born to be with you. I think that, deep down, you realize that too. Otherwise, I don't think you would have risked your life to bind my soul to that armor." Edward fought to remain on his feet as Alphonse's weight overbalanced him slightly.

"Al, stop it!" Edward cried out as he tried to push Al's arms away. Unfortunately, the alcohol in his system made him feel weak. He fell over on top of Al when the younger boy sagged against him.

"Brother, please listen to me! Why don't we just... try it, and see how we feel about it afterward?"

"That's stupid. It's wrong and it's not going to work." Ed pushed himself up and off of his younger brother, intent on backing away.

Al grabbed him by the arm, effectively preventing his escape. "Won't you give it a chance?" There was a desperate, pleading edge to his voice.

"No," Edward spat firmly.

"Why not?" Al demanded in slurred tones.

"Because... I... I don't want to hurt you."

"How would you hurt me? I'm willing to try," the younger boy spoke with carefully annunciated force. "Even if it hurts some, I've already overheard enough conversations to know expect the first time to have some pain." Alphonse grabbed his older brother up in a shoulder wrapping hug to hang onto the older teen. "Please?"

"What? You're rushing things a bit, don't you think? I could lose control and end up raping you." Edward bit his lip in fear of his own reaction to his brother's arms around his shoulders.

"You can't rape the willing, Edward." Al's slurred speech reminded Edward that he was tipsy too.

Edward tried again to break free of his younger brother's embrace. "Alphonse... please, don't do this to me. If I start... I won't be able to stop." It took all his willpower not to give into his intoxication and let his body do what it wanted.

"Then don't stop," the husky whisper hung in the air as the younger blond inched his face closer to Ed's, his eyes dark with want.

The breath caught in Ed's throat at the implications. "Al... We won't be able to go back..." He wanted desperately to lean forward and close the remaining distance between them. He wanted to sample his younger brother's full lips, which he was sure would taste like chocolate.

"I don't want to go back."

"This is a very big step, Al," Ed pulled as away as he could and tried to wheedle with his drunken brother out of desperation.

"Brother, please. I'm willing to take that step with you. I want this so much... I missed you while you were gone this past week. Just like you, I have abandonment issues. You left me so alone..." he fisted his hands pathetically in the cloth of Edward's shirt. "So alone..."

"Just think of it this way," Edward started, trying to find a way to talk himself out of his current situation. "It was like... training for later in life. We can't always be together, you know."

"Don't say that!" Al yanked on the fabric in his hands, screwing his eyes shut. "We'll always be together. There's nothing in the world except death that could separate us!"

Edward took hold of his brother's wrist, "Someday we'll grow up and grow apart."

"Never!" Al wrapped his arms around Ed's chest and buried his face in the strong neck, smiling as his lips found the pulse. "Edward, I promised I would always be by your side! I'm not about to go back on my word, even if you go back on yours."

"Al..." the older teen growled in warning.

"I have it... the letter. The one you hid under your mattress. Don't worry, you won't break me..." he shifted until he was sitting in his older brother's lap.

"Al, you're drunk."

"Mmmm...yes, and you're drunk too. I think it was the hot chocolate the colonel gave us. It made my cough go away."

"Well, I don't know why I had to drink one, too. I'm not sick," Edward huffed indignantly. "I hardly ever get sick."

"I don't think the colonel wanted you to get what I have... Remember, he said so when he gave us our drinks. It tasted good and I feel fuzzy now. I feel warm and floaty..." Al mused as he petted his brother's shoulder.

"Well, you're the dummy who didn't wear a jacket in this weather." Ed glared at his younger brother with his most stern expression.

"I wanted your jacket..." Al smiled a private smile. "I like your jacket." He felt his face heat up and his breath quicken. "Ed..." He whispered as he nuzzled closer to his brother, who had finally conceded to his whim and placed his arms gently around his slender waist and laid his head down on his.

"My jacket?" the older blond knit his brows together. "Why?"

"Because it's yours..." Al yawned. The warmth from the toddy was beginning to spread, and he was starting to get sleepy.

"Don't do that... It's contagious..." Edward complained through a yawn of his own.

"Sorry..." Al mumbled, falling back, his arms laying on his stomach. His fingertips tried to re-snare his brother's shirt and pull him down too, but he didn't have the dexterity at the moment.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

**A/N:** It seems I like ellipses, and I write diagonally. I feel so sad that everyone only seemed to comment on the drunkenness of the Elric Brothers. What about Chapters 9 and 10? (Oh, and Chapter 6, which was my personal favorite. ::blush::) ::sniffles:: However, complain as I may, I'm still very grateful to all who reviewed! I actually almost gave up on this one because inspiration kept leaving me. Thank you::hugs!:: I have most of the rest of this story written. Does anyone want me to post what I have left? I know, I know... This is the boring stuff... Well, tough:P All good things (lemon-scented hint) come to those that wait. Just a few chapters more... If you want it.

oOoOoOo

"And what is your relation to these boys, sir?" Dr. Morris asked politely. The doctor was middle-aged, perhaps in his fifth or sixth decade. His dark hair was still thick, with gray patches at his temples. His face was still rather smooth, with only a few laugh lines and wrinkles around his mouth and eyes, which were a clear blue. He was of average height, and was able to stand eye-to-eye with the Flame Alchemist.

"I'm their commanding officer," Colonel Mustang informed the doctor, who bent over to inspect the sleeping pair.

"So, you're not their father..." the man mused quietly, a frown settling on his features.

"Oh, good heavens, no!"

"Well, unless you're their legal guardian, I'm afraid I can't help you," the doctor snapped in irritation, straitening.

"Well, Edward is a State Alchemist, which legally makes him an adult. He's also eighteen, and therefore the legal guardian of his younger brother. Unfortunately, they're orphans," Mustang ground out in irritation at being told he'd wasted almost an hour of his time in getting this doctor.

"I refuse to believe those boys are as old as you say they are. I would swear on a stack of scripture that I was looking at a fourteen-year-old and a sixteen-year-old," the aged man gestured toward the teens who lay in the bed.

"Fine, hold on. I can prove it to you," Mustang muttered as he gently shook Edward's shoulder. "Edward, where are your papers?"

"Mmmpers?" came the drowsy reply.

"Your state certification, and guardianship papers."

"Suuu...kays..." Edward plopped his hand in the general direction of his suitcase.

"The suitcase?"

"Mhmmm..." the older blond murmured sleepily in agreement before nuzzling deeper into his pillow.

The raven-haired alchemist strode over to the suitcase and popped it open to rummage through the various belongings contained within until he found the documents he needed. "Here you are, doctor, proof that what I say is truth." He handed over four pieces of paper: the birth certificates for the Elric brothers, Edward's State Alchemy license, and the guardianship directive for the custody of Alphonse.

"Well then, allow me to give my professional opinion," Dr. Morris started, speaking disapprovingly, after looking through the pages. "These children are drunk, sir," the grizzled doctor handed back the papers. "They're underage, so where did they get the alcohol?" he demanded coldly.

"I gave them both a toddy. I didn't want them to get too sick. Was that wrong?" Roy looked concerned at trying to help the two teens with his lackluster knowledge of field medicine.

"How much alcohol did you give them, exactly?" the doctor gave Roy a level stare.

"The normal amount," the colonel cleared his throat, blinking innocently. The corner of his mouth twitched nervously.

"Normal for what kind of toddy?!" Dr. Morris tried again.

"The kind we used to make out on the field..."

"Oh great! What did you put in it?" The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose to refrain from grabbing the soldier's lapels and shaking the desired information out of him.

"Hot chocolate, cinnamon, cloves, and cayenne. One shot rum, one shot whiskey, and one shot brandy per cup..."

"All of them?" the doctor asked incredulously.

"Uh, yeah. It always worked for us." The colonel shrugged a bit sheepishly at the flabbergasted expression on the doctor's face. "I mean... I was only trying to help."

"Are you trying to kill those boys? You explained to me that one of them has been vomiting. He's already dehydrated! What the hell were you thinking?"

"I... didn't want them to get even more sick," Mustang explained demurely as he leaned over and gently shook the younger teen's shoulder. "Alphonse? Time to wake up. I've brought a doctor to see you."

The sandy-haired youth opened one bleary eye. "Colonel? Doctor? Huh?"

"Hey now," Dr. Morris interjected. "I never agreed to an examination."

"Listen Doctor, I will pay you cash, here and now, if you just look at him. Please, these boys are very important members of my extended family."

The doctor's eyebrow quirked as he stroked his chin in thought. "House calls can be... expensive..."

Mustang sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He knew how to take a hint. "Fine. I've got it. I'll pay you. Now, will you please make sure Alphonse is going to be okay?"

"Of course, Colonel," the elderly man smirked as he took Mustang's place beside the bed. "Young man, it's time to wake up."

Al scrunched his face and burrowed deeper into the blankets. "Five more minutes, Brother..."

"You need to get up. I have to look at you to see how best to help you get well again," Dr. Morris spoke authoritatively as he threw back the covers and took the limp wrist of the slumbering teen.

"No, don't take him from me..." Edward's voice whined plaintively as he threw a sleepy arm around the form of his brother, who was attempting to follow the doctor's lead and get out of bed. "Don't take him..."

"No one's going to do any such thing," the much older man spoke as if to a petulant child, before turning a level stare at the dark-haired alchemist. "Unless there's a reason for the younger boy to be taken away?" the doctor asked suspiciously.

"Of course not, as I already told you; all these boys have are each other. Edward is very protective of Alphonse. I can vouch for the moral character of both of them."

"I see..."

Alphonse had finally gotten out of the bedding and now stood on shaky legs in front on the doctor.

"Let's go to the other room so we don't wake your brother up," Dr. Morris carefully led Alphonse into the living room.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

**A/N:** I hope you enjoy this chapter. Writing this chapter was hard. I had to look up medical examinations since I rarely go to the doctor. I don't remember my last checkup, so I'm really writing this by ear. JIO beta'd my stuff and said I should write while exhausted more often. She said that oddly enough, I somehow manage to write more details with my dialog that way. Oh yeah! I've gotten more than 4000 hits on this fic! Wow... As I stated above, I've been writing the latest chapters (chapters 12+) (I currently have up to chapter 16 written) while utterly exhausted. Seriously, it feels like my brain has turned to jelly. So please, if you spot any glaring errors, let me know! Thank you!

oOoOoOo

Mustang dragged a stool from the breakfast bar and set it in front of the sleepy teen. "Here, sit on this," he spoke, guiding Al, whose head still nodded with sleep, into the seat. He moved to the couch and sat after making sure Al was stable.

Dr. Morris dragged his case over. Opening the black bag, he reached inside and pulled out a stethoscope and placed it around his neck.

"Open your shirt," the much older man ordered.

Alphonse blinked blearily at him. "Huh?"

"Your shirt."

"Oh..." the teen clumsily undid the buttons and slid his shirt off his shoulders, letting it drop to the ground.

The doctor raised a skeptical eyebrow before looking at the colonel again. "Are you sure there's no reason for this child to be placed under alternate care?"

"Absolutely," the dark-haired man stated firmly as he sprang from his seat and closed the distance between the couch and stool with a few hurried strides. He didn't realize the boy was so sickly-looking under his clothes. "Al?"

"Hmmm? What, Colonel?" the youth mumbled sleepily, lazily turning his gaze toward the Flame Alchemist.

"What happened? Why are you so skinny? You weren't this bad off last month..." the colonel demanded, his voice soft.

Al lifted tired eyes to look Roy in the face. "I'm fine. I've just been under a lot of stress lately because of Edward's missions," his tone was accusing. _'It's not really anyone's fault I'm this thin... It's just...'_

"Al, please, you know it's not me who creates the orders. I just hand them out," Roy whispered.

"I understand. Of course, you know how I've been since last year, Colonel. But, couldn't you... I don't know... sometimes 'lose' some paperwork?" the youth asked, an acidic tone to his voice. He could feel himself fully awakening, his mind stimulated by the conversation. "I mean, documents get lost in the system all the time, right?"

The older alchemist looked at the teen in shock. "I can't do that. You know I can't. Alphonse, you're seventeen. You need to realize that you can't keep Edward tethered to your side all the time." He sank back into his seat.

"That's what Brother said..." Al murmured, jumping when he felt the cold metal of the stethoscope touch the left side of his bare chest.

"Take a deep breath for me," Dr. Morris spoke in a monotone, annoyed that his question had been ignored. He obviously didn't want to be there. It was only the promised payment kept him there. He saw the chest rise and fall slowly, and heard the faint rattle in the boy's lungs. He moved the bell to the right and repeated his command.

Al was breathing in when a sudden coughing fit stopped him. He quickly brought up to his face to cover his mouth.

"Hmmm..." the elderly gentleman looked thoughtful as he took the slim wrist in his fingers, feeling for a pulse. "Your heart rate seems normal," he nodded to himself. "Now, I need to take your temperature." Dr. Morris reached into his bad and pulled out the thermometer. "Say 'ah' please."

Alphonse lowered his hand and opened his mouth to admit the cold glass stick, shifting it under his tongue. He sat with the thermometer in his mouth for a few minutes while Dr. Morris peered at his eyes and checked his ears.

The doctor removed the thermometer and studied it. "You have a slight fever, most likely caused by the cold you have. You should take a hot shower. Luckily it isn't bronchitis, yet. Not surprising considering what Colonel Mustang told me... he found you outside this morning without a jacket, correct?" the doctor spoke smugly.

The sandy-haired teen glared at the doctor. "Please, I've already gotten this lecture from both the colonel and my brother, and their opinions mean more to me than yours, you, stuck-up jerk. I don't care if you are a doctor, you have no right to be so disrespectful!" The youth's voice cracked as he fought back tears of frustration.

"Well, I don't appreciate your attitude, young man. Today was my half-day. You should be grateful the colonel caught me before the end of my shift," Dr. Morris spat.

"Excuse me, Doctor. Please do not be so rude to my guests, in my house," Mustang warned, standing from his place on the couch.

The doctor snorted. "Well, I return the treatment I am given, and this young man has quite the attitude problem."

"This young man has a name," Alphonse interjected. He was getting annoyed at being talked about as if he wasn't there. "Overall, this has been a bad day for me!" He cried standing, and stormed back to the bedroom. Remembering belatedly that Edward was still sleeping, he silently shut the door behind him. _'It really wasn't my place to throw a tantrum like that in someone else's home, but... I'll definitely have to apologize to Colonel Mustang later for my outburst.'_

The teen shivered and wrapped his thin arms around his naked torso. He looked around the room and spied the suitcase where the colonel had left it. He shuffled over to the container and popped it open, searching for a garment. The colonel hadn't been very thorough in replacing Edward's papers, so Al carefully set those aside as he rummaged for a pair of boxers. As he pulled out pair of military issue shorts (**A/N:** The obligatory pair that Edward ought to own), he accidentally knocked over the pile of papers.

Alphonse knelt beside the scattered pages. He reached out, gathering them and tamped the edges to straighten the papers. Recognizing the handwriting, he glanced over at his brother, who was still sleeping. He sighed with relief. He felt bad that he was prying into his brother's private things, but he hadn't meant for the pages to fall from the suitcase. He only wanted fresh clothes, and he was sure Edward wouldn't mind if he borrowed an outfit, considering they were close to the same size. He had left his shirt on the floor of the living room, but he wasn't about to go back out there to retrieve it, as the doctor was currently in the front room, where he could hear him negotiating the price of the visit with Colonel Mustang. He cringed inwardly again at his sudden fit.

'_I'm going to have to pay the colonel back somehow...'_ he thought as he took the clothes, and the pages, slinking into the guest bathroom. He locked the door behind himself. The doctor had diagnosed him with a mild cold, and advised him to take a hot shower in hopes that the steam would help his aching lungs. Alphonse was glad to take a shower, considering he felt gross after throwing up, and hoped he could lessen the headache that was plaguing him. His throat felt like sandpaper and his tongue kept sticking to the roof of his mouth. The youngster placed his purloined attire on the counter before lowering the lid of the toilet, which he then sat on, to begin scanning the documents he had snuck from the suitcase.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

**A/N:** My longest chapter yet, at just over 2000 words. I'm so proud of myself. Al was a bit of a punk in the last chapter, huh? I enjoyed writing Al like that.  
On a side note: if you haven't already, you might want to read "_Subconscious Rejection?_" even though it's rather poorly written. But there's a reason for that.  
The next chapter (15) will be a lemony treat. Let me know if you want it. Otherwise, it may take a while to make its way here. There's probably only two more chapters left for this story.  
Woohoo! 5000 hits! Thank you all so much!

Here, Mustang's guest bathroom has a combination shower/tub, with pebble glass sliding doors. In case you're interested.

oOoOoOo

Alphonse let the hot spray envelope him as he mulled over what he had read. _'So, that's what the colonel meant when he said Edward had a poetic soul...'_ he had finished scrubbing himself, and was just letting the water flow over his body. He jumped when he heard the doorknob rattle and the incoherent mumble from the other side of the door. "Hold on, I'm almost done," he called out, only to have the door unlocked by alchemical means. He watched as his still-asleep brother stumbled into the room, lazily shoving the door shut behind him.

"Sorry, but I need to take a leak so bad," Edward mumbled as he staggered over to the toilet, staring down dumbly before reaching down to lift the seat.

Al couldn't help but blush as he heard the unmistakable sound of Edward undoing the fasteners on his pants. He looked pointedly into the corner of the shower stall, trying his best to not feel the effect his brother's nearness was having on his body. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the growing problem between his legs. _'It's not like we haven't seen each other naked before. It's just so awkward now.'_ He remembered what he had tried to do earlier, after they had been left alone together in the house. He wanted to reach out for his brother, but he remembered the morning's rejection. He cried out when Edward, out of habit most likely, flushed the toilet, and doused him with hot water.

"Al?" Edward flung open the sliding shower door, his eyes wide with concern. "Are you okay?" All traces of his sleepiness were gone.

"I'm fine... I just... it was hot... The water. It was hot for a moment..." the younger brother stammered. In truth, he wasn't fine. The hot water hurt a lot, and the skin of his right shoulder and upper back were stinging.

Edward clambered into the shower to examine his brother, not caring that his clothes were getting soaked. Alphonse winced as he felt the cold metal fingertips caress his scalded skin.

"Sorry..." the blond gently lifted his hand away before stepping closer to his younger brother, who was shivering despite the heat of the shower. He lifted his left arm, only to realize how heavy his shirt had become now that he was thoroughly drenched. "Turn around," the older brother commanded as he gently maneuvered the younger boy so they were facing each other.

Al lowered his burning face to avoid looking at his sibling.

"Al..." Edward's hands were on his shoulders.

The sandy-haired youth flinched at the contact as his skin was still tender. "Brother..." Al sighed as he felt Ed's hands slide down over his chest.

"You're so skinny, I can feel your ribs," the blond muttered as his eyes traveled over the younger boy's body. When his hands reached bony hips, he pulled at the body against his own. "Al..." his gaze flicked over to the counter, where the pages he thought he had carefully hidden lay. "So, you know."

Al squeaked. "What?" He could feel the heat from his brother's body. He fought the urge to press himself closer against the firm flesh before him. _'This has to be a dream. That's got to be it. I'm still in bed dreaming... Or maybe I fell asleep in the shower. Oh no! I need to wake up before I drown!' _

"You've read everything now. You know my heart now. So, do you hate me?" Edward whispered his question as he moved his hands to the small of Al's back and pushed them upward until he was embracing the shivering teen. 

"No, I don't. I can't hate you. How long have you... felt this way?" Al inquired as he timidly placed his own arms around his brother's slender waist.

"I'm not sure. I think it started a couple months after I restored you. Or maybe it was before then, when you were still a soul trapped in armor. You've always had the best disposition," the blond suddenly clapped his hands and slammed them against the wall, focusing his thoughts on alchemically sealing the door. "You?" he asked, leaning over Al, his arms still on the wall on either side of the younger teen. He rubbed the tip of his nose on Al's.

Al could feel the warm breath on his face. "Forever, I think..." he answered through a tight throat.

'_Damn it, he's in my arms. I can already feel myself losing control.'_ Edward chuckled as he wrapped his arms around the younger body. "Oh," was the older sibling's only reply. Edward was beginning to feel dizzy from the humidity of the shower, and he was sure some alcohol was still running through his system. "Al..." he murmured as he pressed his lips against his brother's soft, innocent mouth.

Al's eyes opened in surprise before closing in acceptance, his hands fumbling with the bottom of the wet shirt his brother wore. His mind was reeling, but all thoughts escaped him as Edward increased the pressure and deepened the kiss. Still groping, he finally got a firm hold on the wet fabric and started working it up. "Lift your arms..." he moaned, breaking the kiss.

The older teen quickly obliged, taking over and pulling his shirt over his head before dropping the sopping garment on the floor behind him.

Al's fingers tripped over the scars on his brother's well-toned chest, ending when his hands found the waistband of Edward's pants. "Uhhh..." Blushing, he looked down to discover they were still undone. _'Did he forget? He did rush in here rather quickly when I screamed...'_ He hesitated, hands hovering.

"Hmmm...? Why did you stop?" the blond leaned forward, breathing his question as he laid his hands over those of his brother and placed them back on his hips.

Al reflexively tried to jerk his hands back when his palms contacted smooth skin, but Edward held them fast. "I thought you didn't want to... You said earlier..." he sputtered.

"I know what I said... but I also said I wanted you, too," the young alchemist purred as he wiggled out of his pants and boxers with Al's 'help.' As they slid to his ankles, he jerked one leg free and lifted the other over the rim of the bathtub to drop them onto the floor.

"Brother... I... I..." Alphonse turned away, bringing a hand to his brow. "I have a headache. And... and my shoulder hurts."

"Awww..." the older boy cooed as he gently removed the obstructing hand and tenderly kissed the young forehead. "You want me to make it better?"

The younger Elric swallowed hard, wanting very much for his brother to kiss away his pain. "Brother... Edward... I really do have a headache..."

"I'll kick Mustang's ass for that when he gets back home. I can't believe he gave us alcohol when we're underage," Edward growled as he pulled his younger brother close again.

"You wrote that you wanted to get us drunk... I think you're being a hypocrite." Bronze eyes blinked lazily. "Wait... Colonel Mustang isn't here?"

"Hush now..." the older boy roughly pulled his younger sibling into an embrace.

Al, who wasn't expecting this sudden movement, lurched forward, accidentally tripped and sent them both crashing to the ground.

"OOF!" was their mutual cry as they landed in a heap at the bottom of the tub.

"Nnnn..." Edward moaned as his head narrowly missed the faucet and smacked the porcelain next to the drain and a moment of dizziness passed. The weight of Alphonse landing on his chest had also knocked his breath out of him.

"Ow. Ow. Ow," Edward whined, from his place, in the bottom of the tub.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen!" the younger Elric whimpered as he lifted himself up enough to cup his brother's head in his hands.

"Ow! Hey, stop!" Edward cried suddenly, grabbing the hands that were currently tangled in his hair.

"Oh no! Your hair got caught!" Al exclaimed frantically.

"Yeah, I know! Stop yanking on it!"

"Sorry!" Al sat back in defeat, squeezing next to Ed, who was slowly trying to turn over to have a better angle to work on getting his hair out of the drain.

While they worked on clearing the blockage caused by threads of gold, the tub slowly began to fill. "Hurry, Brother. The water level is rising."

"I know, I know..." Ed sputtered. He'd had to close his eyes because of the rising water, which was close to threatening his nose. "Turn off the water."

"Of course!" the skinny teen stretched over his brother to turn the water off and keep his brother from drowning. He then reached down to resume helping his brother remove his long hair from the drain.

After a few moments of unsuccessfully attempting to retrieve his hair, Edward gave up with an angry 'Screw this,' slapping his palms together, touching his fingertips of his left hand to the metal surrounding the drainage hole. He was snarling as electricity snapped in the water drain, allowing him to pull his head up. "Oh... My neck..." he rubbed the back and side of his neck with his right hand.

"I'm sorry I tripped us," Al murmured as he sidled behind his older brother and knelt, sitting on his heels, to begin administering a massage.

Edward leaned back into the caresses, his head lolling to the side in relaxation. "Mmm..."

The younger teen reached over for the bottle of shampoo, which had fallen over in the scuffle, uncapped it, and poured a small amount into his palm. He then worked his soapy hands through tangled golden tresses.

"Al?"

"Your hair is kind of... well, gross... From being stuck in the drain, I mean. My only thought was to try to help clean it, since it was my fault we fell," Al explained as he kneaded the scalp in his hands.

"You're... so good to me. Even after everything I've done to you, why do you still love me?"

"Why shouldn't I? You kept me around, even at the risk of your own life. That's more than I could have ever asked of you," Al's fingers were now playing with the older boy's bangs, combing the shampoo through the silken threads.

Edward closed his eyes and relaxed as novice fingers kept getting caught in his wild mane. He had never been tender-headed as a youth, so the tugs and pulls didn't bother him.

Al smiled as he worked. He knew Edward rarely trusted his back to anyone. In fact, only himself, and Winry, were able to get this close behind him without finding themselves in mortal danger. "Turn the water back on, Brother. We need to rinse your hair now."

The blond fumbled around for a few seconds before his hands found the tap. He gave the knob a quick turn. The shower head rewarded them with a momentary blast of iciness. They giggled in tandem as the water became warmer.

The younger Elric raked his fingers through the soft yellow hair, starting at the brow and teasing the suds to the ends, where they dripped off and flowed to the drain. He continued his slow combing for the next few minutes, until he was sure the hair was as rinsed as it could be. "Feel better?"

"Thanks Al, yeah," came the older teen's almost sleepy answer. "How about you?" Edward asked while rolling his shoulders.

"Let me help with that," Al quickly placed his hands on the taut muscles of Edward's neck and shoulders, circling his thumbs forcefully in the hard flesh.

"Well Al, how are you feeling now?" Edward repeated his question, turning his head to the side, attempting to look at the boy behind him.

"Oh, I'm better. Don't worry. The doctor said I had a cold," the hazel-eyed teen continued to rub his brother's back, his hands sliding lower. The tips of his fingers traced the faint scars that decorated his brother's body with a feeling of regret. They had lived a hard life, but now that Al was restored, things had gotten easier. But he still had to fight the sad knowledge that he had inflicted some of the scars during some of their numerous sparring sessions. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and kissed Edward's left shoulder.

"I'm sorry you got burned. I guess my only excuse is that I was still asleep," Edward shifted his position so he was staring into his brother's eyes. He saw the love he felt reflected there. "Al..."

The younger boy wrapped his arms around Edward's waist and craned his neck so he could kiss his brother, who snaked his hand between the younger's thighs. "Edward!" he felt his hips jerk forward of their own accord when the warm hand caressed his length. "What are you doing?"

The older teen answered with a smirk. "Well, we were interrupted earlier, weren't we?"

oOoOoOo

**A/N:** Ed getting his hair caught in the drain doesn't make much sense. I only wanted an excuse for Al to wash Ed's hair. Just go with it. REVIEW!


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

**A/N:** "_Dearest Alphonse_" is my most popular story. I feel like I've been quoting "_Subconscious Rejection?_" a lot lately. Still, nearly every character in the story has read it. I probably should have mentioned this earlier, and most of you have most likely already noticed it, but anything in italics and centered is some sort of flashback. Regretfully, this chapter is un-beta'd.  
I can't remember if it's implied in the last chapter, but they're both sitting in the bottom of the tub...

oOoOoOo

Al's eyes opened wide as Edward twisted himself around and crushed their lips together. He could feel the warm flesh of the older boy's left arm snake around his waist awkwardly. '_This can't be comfortable for him._' His thought process was quickly aborted when he felt the tip of Ed's tongue graze his bottom lip. "Mmmm... Brother..." he gasped. He twitched as the wet muscle slipped between his parted lips.

The boys' tongues battled for a few moments before they had to break away from each other to breathe. "Wow..." Edward opened his amber-colored eyes and gazed deeply into Al's honey-shaded ones.

"I need to move. I'm squished against the wall," Al's voice was soft and embarrassed. He looked curiously at the position they had ended up in, his legs were on either side of Edward, and his left leg, which was pinned against the wall, was beginning to go numb.

"Oh, well... here. Let's do this," Edward grunted as he scooted forward to give room for Al to get more comfortable.

Al moved behind his brother, into the only space now available in the tub.

Edward leaned back into his younger brother's arms, feeling lazy fingers drawing circles on his stomach.

As Al nuzzled the soft skin of his brother's neck, his fingers traveled down and bashfully placed trembling fingers on his brother's erection.

Edward moaned, taking Al's hand in his own and tightening the timid grip. "Don't be afraid Al," he moved the hand up and down slowly.

Al leaned forward to increase his leverage, and found himself poking Edward's lower back with his own needy erection. He began rocking his pelvis against his brother, pushing his erection between soft thighs. His mind was overcome with sensation as he dragged his hand away from Edward's member and placed it on the hip. His breathing became more ragged as he began rubbing more, thrusting harder and harder, getting lost in the hormonal head rush.

Edward threw his head back, loving the feeling of Al's body working against his. His own breathing was coming out in pants and gasps.

'_I don't know what I'm doing.._.' was Al's thought as he continued rubbing his own eager member frantically against his brother's backside. '_Somehow, this doesn't seem like the right thing to do..._' He pushed Edward forward, so he was leaning on his palms, when he felt the tip get caught. His hazy mind tried to figure out what the resistance was, but he had no experience to fall back on. Like the stubborn Elric he was, he proceeded to push against the resisting force, feeling something warm and tight gradually encase his penis.

Edward whimpered in pain as he felt the swollen flesh enter him with tender violence. "Al..."

The quiet repetition of "Sorry, sorry, sorry," was Al's lamented mantra as he lowered his forehead onto the tensed back of the body below him.

"How...? Why?" the older brother closed his eyes when he saw the little remaining water running under him turn pink. "It hurts..." he muttered, choking back a sob.

"I'm sorry. Me too... I'm so sorry..." Alphonse panted as he lay against his brother's back, fighting back his own tears. He suddenly realized what he had done. '_I don't deserve to cry..._' Placing his hands on Edward's full hips, he slowly began to pull out. He never meant to cause this much pain to the one that he loved most.

"Al..." the blond moaned when he felt his brother's trembling warmth shy away. He could feel the hands on his hips shake. "Ooohhh."

"Don't lie, Brother. I'm sorry. I love you, I never meant..."

"It's okay, Al. Go ahead. I want this, even though I've been horrible to you lately."

_I'm not sure what I want. I just want to get it out of my system and remind myself of the pain. I want the pain. The pain makes it easier to say 'no.'_

"That's no reason for..." Al started, his head still pounding from his headache, but he now felt faint for another reason. His dream was coming true, however, he had always expected to be the one taken.

"SHUT UP!" Edward pounded his fists into the unyielding material that the bathtub was made of. "Just... Keep going... Please..."

"Are you sure?" the younger teen nervously tightened his grip on his brother's thighs.

"Yes. Yes. Please..."

Al carefully pushed forward again. "Broth... Ed... Edward..."

Edward arched his back, grinding his teeth to keep from screaming in pain again. He could feel something tearing. "Yes, Al." '_Damn, this hurts. I can't believe I wanted to do this to Al... there has to be a different way..._'

"Brother, I'm hurting you. I don't like that," Al sobbed.

"You're not... It's not..." Edward sighed. "It's okay Al. I'll live."

"But... but..." the younger boy blubbered. "I can't hurt you like this, I love you... There has to be another way..." Alphonse awkwardly stepped out of the bathtub, almost falling in his exodus. He turned to the medicine cabinet and opened it.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ed asked weakly, trying to forget his pain. "You can't just snoop in someone else's house!"

"This _is_ Colonel Mustang's house, but I don't think he'll mind. He must have something that makes sex easier, even if he's only with girls..." He found a jar of Vaseline. '_There seems to be too much friction for Ed the other way, and it hurt me, too... Maybe this would help..._' He turned back toward his older brother with a triumphant smile plastered across his face. "Brother..."


End file.
